


Free Childcare with One Threat on Life

by tuesday



Category: Burn Notice
Genre: Accidental Baby Acquisition, Case Fic, Ensemble Cast, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:14:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23795200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tuesday/pseuds/tuesday
Summary: In any operation, there are setbacks.  Part of being a successful spy is executing a well-thought out plan, but sometimes changing circumstances require you to improvise.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 23
Collections: Gen Freeform Exchange2020





	Free Childcare with One Threat on Life

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Karios](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Karios/gifts).



_In any operation, there are setbacks. Part of being a successful spy is executing a well-thought out plan, but sometimes changing circumstances require you to improvise._

—

"Tell me you did not steal a baby," Jesse said when Fiona and Michael showed up to the rendezvous point right outside the farmer's market with a baby in hand. Michael had the baby strapped to his chest with a sling. Fiona was carrying a blue cloth paisley diaper bag that was more of an all things baby bag. Michael had packed bug-out bags for himself that were lighter and less prepared than that thing.

"We didn't steal a baby," Michael said reassuringly. Jesse did not look reassured.

Especially not when Fiona followed that up with, "We just … accidentally borrowed it for a while."

"How do you accidentally borrow a baby?" Jesse said, gaze flitting from Michael to the baby to Fiona and back again.

"It's easier than you'd think," Fiona said. "We were walking and talking after the mother offloaded him on Michael for a quick second, and between one moment and the next, we got a little separated. By the time we made it back to the artisanal dairy section, she'd moved on without us."

"Hey there, little guy," Sam said, directing a charming grin at the baby. He wiggled his fingers in front of its face. "What's your name?"

"Can we please focus?" Michael said because he did not want to talk about the baby. "What have you found out?"

"We've found out that you and Fi stole a baby," Sam said, still smiling at the baby. Unlike when Michael had tried smiling at the baby, the baby gurgled happily and did not start bawling at the top of its lungs.

"We didn't steal the baby," Michael said slowly, though he knew the problem wasn't that he'd said it too fast the first time.

"Fine, you didn't steal him," Sam said. He let the baby start gnawing on his fingers with its gross, toothless mouth. "But seriously, where did he come from? Who would just a dump a baby on Michael and go?"

Michael resigned himself to explaining this instead of being allowed to move on. "Barb," their current client/charity case, who was not the most difficult person Michael ever had to work with, but was one of the least sober, "has a sister visiting from out of town. Apparently when Barb told her we were friends who were helping out, Barb's sister thought that meant we were trustworthy enough to watch her five month old for a moment while she looked at aged goat cheese. She said she would be right back." She did not come right back, and then they had gotten a bit distracted tailing a suspicious character, baby in tow. "That was two hours ago. And now we have a baby, which we did not steal."

"Seems kind of like you stole the baby if you're not there when she gets back," Jesse said.

"Then it would be better if you updated us quickly so we can get back to Barb's booth before that happens." Michael closed his eyes, took a little breath, and pasted on a smile. "Please."

The baby, seeing Michael's smile, started crying again.

—

_Crying attracts attention. When you're in the middle of a covert operation, attention is the last thing you want. When the crying is produced by a baby instead of another adult, your options are a lot more limited for how to deal with it._

—

Michael wiped the smile off his face and pasted on a concerned look instead. He jiggled the baby, saying, "Shhh, shhh."

The baby did not appreciate the jiggling. Michael would have loved to pass the baby off to Fiona, but unfortunately, whether she was smiling or straight-faced, the baby hated being in her arms more: every time Michael had tried, it had started full out wailing. Michael had slept through quieter aerial bombardments.

"Why don't you pass the little guy here?" Sam offered.

When Michael tried removing the baby from the sling to facilitate the hand-off, it clenched its tiny, sticky hands in his dress shirt and made a sound that could do a storm siren proud.

"I don't think the kid likes you," Jesse observed.

"Oh, come on," Sam said. Then, with a wide gesture, he invited, "Why don't you give it a go?"

"Oh. Oh, no." Jesse took a step back. "Let's just tell them what we found out so we can all get back to it."

—

_It's possible to debrief with a baby screaming in your ear, but I wouldn't recommend it._

—

"So you and Fi and are going back to the booth, and me and Jesse here can get back to tracking down the missing boyfriend," Sam said.

"Why don't _you_ and Michael go back to the booth, and Jesse and I can work the boyfriend angle?" Fiona said.

"Who's going to trust me with a baby?" Sam said.

"I am," Fiona said, smiling sweetly as she pressed the diaper bag into Sam's chest. She hooked her arm through Jesse's and tugged. "Let's go, Jesse."

Without a single protest or offer to assist, Jesse went. Michael stared after them, face wiped clean again. Weirdly, the baby settled down from full on screaming banshee to small, hiccoughing sobs. It bit at the collar of Michael's shirt with its gums and started drooling down his neck.

—

_The benefit to working alone is no one can betray you. The benefit to working with a group is that you can delegate specialized work to people who have that specialty._

—

"When you said you needed my help, this is not what I was expecting," Madeline said. "If I'd known you wanted me to babysit, I would have brought toys. You know, I still have a few things put away from when you and your brother were around this age. Well, maybe a little older."

"It's a baby. I don't think it cares about toys yet," Michael said.

"You'd be surprised," Madeline said. She held out her hands. "C'mon, give the kid over to his new temporary grandma." She smiled.

—

_Unfortunately, no matter how expert your expert, no one is infallible._

—

The smile Madeline directed at the baby was familiar. It was a smile Michael had found comforting when he was younger, before he'd known that no amount of reassuring smiles could change the reality of his situation.

The baby had wised up much sooner than Michael had. It burst into tears again.

"Have you checked the diaper?" Madeline asked.

"Yes." Fortunately, that particular complication hadn't come up yet.

"Does he want a bottle?"

"No." At least, he wouldn't take one from Michael or Fiona—or Sam, now that Fiona had ditched him.

"I'd like a bottle," Sam muttered from where he was seated behind the counter of Barb's gourmet candy and candles booth.

"It's fine. He probably wants his mom," Madeline said. She stroked the baby's chubby cheek, wiping off a stray tear. "Sometimes at this age, they've gotta cry themselves out." Madeline looked around. "Where is the mom, anyway?"

—

_No matter how much work you put in or how many people you have on the case, it's always possible for something—or someone—to slip through the cracks. Like, say, the client's sister, who wasn't even supposed to be visiting that weekend and may have been unexpectedly kidnapped for further leverage._

—

"Fi, I need you to check something for me," Michael said into the phone, trying to keep a calm, level tone for the sake of soothing the baby.

"What do you need?" Fiona asked.

"What if instead of the boyfriend, they kidnapped the sister?"

"She's still not back yet?" Fiona was silent for a second. "You're right. She struck me as flakey, but not _that_ bad. We'll look into it."

Michael would have left the baby with his mom at the booth and joined Fiona and Jesse in looking into it, but unfortunately, the baby was still not letting go.

"I'm telling you, I didn't even know Alice was coming this weekend. There's no way anyone took her," Barb insisted. Barb also had bloodshot eyes which weren't fully tracking and was not experienced with these sorts of situations, so Michael paid as much attention to that as the baby did to his every attempt to get it to let go and go to its aunt now. "If someone tried to take her, you'd know. She has a huge set of lungs on her."

"Must be hereditary," Sam said. He patted Michael on the shoulder. "Look, someone has to stay to make sure there are no more abductions. That's you. I'll go help Fi and Jesse."

Michael was sure it had nothing to do with the way Sam winced every time the baby opened its mouth.

—

_The thing about people is that whatever you think of them, they can always be worse than you thought._

—

"We found the boyfriend," Jesse said.

"And the sister?" Michael asked.

"Just the boyfriend. One kidnapping only. So unless there are two groups of people looking for hostages to even out a candy-seller's potential blackmail …."

"The sister wasn't kidnapped," Michael said.

"That's our guess," Jesse said. "But as for where she actually is—"

"No, I'm telling you she wasn't kidnapped, because she is now standing right in front of me."

"Thank you for looking after my sweet little Anthony!" Alice said with a perky smile and several shopping bags draped on her arm— _not_ from the farmer's market. "I ran into a friend, and, well, between one thing and another, I got a little turned around." Alice swooped in and swept up her baby from Michael's arms. At least it went willingly this time. "Seriously, you were _such_ a help. I knew I could count on you!"

"You don't even know me," Michael pointed out with a calm he didn't feel.

"Barb does, and Barb is an excellent judge of character."

Barb's last boyfriend had been a fixer for some very powerful and extremely terrible people. Barb had described them all as, "sweethearts, really, except for the murder."

"Next time, hire a babysitter," Michael said.

—

_But at the end of the day, given the choice between childcare and getting shot at? I'll take the bullets any day._


End file.
